Blog 5-10-2012

Endings are the other side of beginnings. I don’t remember who said this, but it’s something that struck me yesterday as I was getting ready for my day.  I’ve been locked in a lot of grief about uprooting our beautiful life in dreamy Alaska to move to North Carolina. As a loaf of bread has two endings, it also has two beginnings.

A paradigm shift is what I’m striving for now as I read God’s word.  “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.” –Isaiah 26:3

My truth is that I’m frantic on the inside.  Too many questions, not enough concrete answers.  Where will we forward our mail? Where will we live? Where will our doctor’s be? Where will I get my hair done? More importantly, what will we do for school? How shall we serve? Where will the kids do their sports? Where will we worship? Can we join a praise band as a family? What music will we study and with whom? Whom will we love there? What will we love there? How will we be shaped? What is God’s will for our service, our work, our lives?  Will I be cranky in that hot and humid weather or find it a refreshing change?  Who will be there to celebrate our children’s summer birthdays with? Will my husband’s work environment be family friendly?  Will we feel connected there?  How can we make the most out of it?

On the other side of this coin of questions are my self-reflections about closing our life here, too. What have I done well? How have our children grown? Where did we put our “treasure.”  Have we served well?  What’s the best way to say goodbye? How do we help our kids have effective closure? What do we hold on to? What do we let go of?  When do I just let go? I need an air traffic controller installed in my head.

One thing is certain, where we wrap things up is where we start a new journey.  Perhaps there is a way to marry this ending with our new beginning.  The grief can simply be the light onto where our treasure has been laid – and where we would put it if we had the gift of time in Alaska a bit longer.  Ah, so this ending is not just tipping me over a bit, but it’s also leading me into my new beginning…what an insightful connection.

Clearly, I do have a director in my head – and He’s got it all under control! “I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth.  These are the things I will do; I will not forsake you.” – Isaiah 42:16